Negativity

I found this NY Times reviewof this book interesting. Here's an excerpt from the review:

The lengthier but much more accurate subtitle says it all: "How Silencing Conflict Wrecks Relationships and Companies . . . and What You Can Do About It."

As Ms. Perlow sees it, saying nothing is a lot worse than saying yes or no. Sure, she knows that conflict and confrontation can be unpleasant, hence the tale of her own reluctance to criticize.

But she insists that the adage, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all," is dead wrong.

Conflict, she says, is not just healthy, but vital.

Her premise is simple: When people raise concerns, voice criticisms and express differences, be it in bedrooms or boardrooms, spats don't escalate to wars, defective products are not released and bosses do not fire employees for problems they might have corrected. But when people stifle themselves, marriages can head to divorce, products to the clearance shelves and companies to bankruptcy court.

"People silence themselves because they want to be seen as accommodating and hard-working," Ms. Perlow said. "They think that by staying silent they can speed things up or preserve relationships, but they usually make everything worse."

We shy away from negativity too often. I'm not saying that we should do more flaming and use more ad hominems in our blogs and other business communications. Far from it! But communication is empty if it doesn't risk conflict. It can't go anywhere new.

Too many people see conflict as leading to compromise, and they have a gut reaction that compromise is a bad thing... a lose-lose situation. It is not! It is very important to see compromise as a win-win situation, and to make it a goal from the outset. The Constitution of the United States is a bundle of compromises. It was designed that way, and it has stood up pretty well. I think this can be a good lesson for us as businesspeople, and as software and system designers, too. Life, business, and technology all involve a series of compromises. Enduring some conflict is a healthy way to get to those compromises.